Jokes Thread...

[smileyone]

And continuing with the Vampire/SPN Jokes....

Q: What day do American Vampires celebrate???
A: Fangsgiving!!!

Q: Why did the witch have stiff legs?
A: She suffered from Broomatism!!!

Q: What foods do Vampires like to eat?
A: Neck-tarines, Ham- Boogers and French Frights!!!

And the last two for now.....

Q: What kind of music do mummies listen too?
A: Wrap Music!!!

Q: Where do ghosts write their homework answers?
A: In their exorcise books!!!


Oh LMAO!!! I could do these all night!!!

[sher1]

ok here are some harry potter ones there soooo funny
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2408173200

These are some bad pickup lines that magical folk, especially those at Hogwarts might use:
aka: Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines


We may not be in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming.

I don't have an invisibility cloak but do you think tonight I can visit your restricted section?

I want to get my basilisk into your chamber of secrets.

My love for you burns like a dying phoenix.

You know, Hagrid's not the only giant on campus.

Do you think you could take on a mountain troll in the bathroom like Hermione did? Would you be ready in five minutes?

Wanna make some magic together? My wand is at the ready.

If you were a quaffle and I was a chaser during a quidditch match, I'd score with you.

I must have had some Felix Felicis because I think I'm about to get lucky.

Without you I feel like I'm in Azkaban and dementors are sucking away my soul.

You know, the Sorting Hat placed me in Gryffindor. I think it's because like Godric Gryffindor himself, I too have an impressive sword.

Want to go to the Hog's Head, if you know what I mean?

Being without you is like being under the Cruciatus Curse.

Want to have a Tri-Wizards Tournament? Well not really "Tri-Wizard," I was thinking more one wizard and two witches.

I've been whomping my willow thinking about you.

If I was to look into the Mirror of Erised, I would see the two of us together.

Do you know the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you make me stiff.

I'm not an Animagus but sometimes I can be real animal.

How 'bout you and me go look for the Room of Requirement?

You know Platform 9 and 3/4? Well I know something else with the same exact measurements.

A couple nights with me and Moaning Myrtle will have to get a new nickname.

What do you say we disapparate out of here.

Wanna practice making what looks like a mandrake.


More submissions:
- You look like you'd be a good Quidditch player. Want to ride my broomstick?

- You know, when I said, "Accio hottie," I didn't expect it to work!

- I know my name's not Luna, but I sure know how to Lovegood if you know what I mean.

- If I try hard enough, I can get a really big patronus. All I have to do is think of happy things.
or
- If I were going to produce a patronus, you'd be my happy thought.

- Will you be my horcrux tonight, so l can give a piece of my soul to you?

- I know you want me to manage your mischief!

- You must not be a muggle, because you cast a spell on me.
or
- You must be magical because I've fallen under your spell.

- Want to head to the Shrieking Shack? We could do some shrieking of our own.

- You don't need defense against my dark arts.

- Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?

- The thought of you makes something vast and silver erupt from my wand.

- I must need Occlumency, because I can't get you out of my thoughts.

- I might as well be under the Imperius curse, because I'd do anything for you.

- (for the females) Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

- If I were a Seeker and you were a Snitch, would you let me catch you?

- I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.

- Are you a bogart? 'Cause I have a fear of hot girls.

- After a romantic night with me, you are going to need a timeturner because you are going to want to experience it again and again.

- Are you speaking parseltongue? 'Cause you're talking to my snake.

- Your smile's like expelliarmus: simple but disarming.

- They say I'm like the horn of a crumple-horned snorkack. Explosive.

- What's the password to your portrait?

- My heart's splinched without you.

- Yeah, I've got a pretty good batch of polyjuice going, wanna taste?

- I'm goblin. Let me stroke your vault.

- You're like a bottle of Skele-Gro: growing me a bone.

- Why dont i make like Salazar and Slyther inside of you?

- Your name must be Severus Severus 'cause you make my prince full blood.

- Did you survive Avada Kedavra? 'Cause you're drop dead gorgeous.

- What flavor are your Bertie Bott's? (???????????????)

- I can be your house elf. I'll do whatever you want and I don't need any clothes.

- I need a pensieve because my head is filled with thoughts about you.

- How do I get into your Department of Mysteries?

- Why don't you come tame my dragon?

- Just like the Slytherin common room, how 'bout my snake in your dungeons?

- I don't know a thing about Merlin's pants, but I'd love to get into yours!

- Wanna play with my Sorcerer's Stones?

- You don't have to worry about me, I've been tested for Hogwarts, if you know what I mean.

- If you were a basilisk, I wouldnt mind dying just to look into your eyes.

- Are you a dementor? Because you send chills up my spine.

- I'm just like Oliver Wood, baby... I'm a keeper!
or
- You might be a *insert quidditch position here* but I think you're a keeper. (Take your pick.)

- Engorgio! Oh wait I don't need magic to enlarge this!

- Firenze and I have a lot in common, we both have parts like a horse.

- My name isn't Neville, but i do have a longbottom. (I just thought this one was ridiculous which made it funny.)

- Did you say "Wingardium Leviosa"? Cause you've got me rising, baby.

- So your the Head Girl of your house, huh? hmm.....

- Cho Chang? More like Cha-Ching! Cause I just hit the jackpot.

- Oh, no everything’s cool. I got the Fiendfyre treatment, no more crabbes.

- Could I borrow your wand? I need to practice my 'swish and flick.'

- Are you a dementor? Because you just took my breath away.

- Yeah girls call me "Aguamenti." Everytime they hear my name, they get wet.

- It's a portkey.... once you touch it, it will take you somewhere you ain't never been before.

- I solemnly swear I am up to no good...

- Want to learn to speak troll? I can get you grunting in no time.

- Would you like a butterbeer? It's a portkey. Next thing you know we'll be back at my place.

- I don't need the mirror of Erised to know that you're everything I desire. (similar to a previous line, but better I think.)

- I'm like the spine on a care of magical creatures book; if you stroke me right i'll open wide for you. (Pretty much a witch's line)

- You know...I have been mistaken for a centaur before. (similar to a previous line, and a bit

- Did you just cast a spell on me baby? 'cuz I'm feeling an engorgio charm coming on.

- I know you're taken, but if I had a time-turner, you'd be mine. (How 'bout that one, huh?)

- Is your name "Avada Kedvra"? 'Cause you've got a killer bod.

- The sorting hat says you should be in my house...wait ...whats that...it also says you should be in my bed.

- Did you use Relashio? 'Cause there's sparks between us.

- Did you slip some firewhiskey into my drink, or are you just getting hotter?

- Did you cast Impervio on me? Cause when I'm near you I can't control my body.

- Not even Veritaserum could make me express how much I’m truly attracted to you.

- If you were a Dementor I would turn criminal just to get your kiss.

- Do you want my Elder Wand, because you're looking Deathly Hollow...

- You don't have to say "Luminos Maxima" to turn me on.

[smileyone]

^^^ LOL!!! Funny

[helps]

omg...it´s great thread...^^^....love your jokes folks..

[addictedtopb]

haha i liked the harry potter ones

what do you call someone who crosses the road twice and never takes a bath?

a dirty double crosser :P

[smileyone]

And one of the Prison Break Variety....

Q: Why do pencils gets sent to prison???
A: To do long sentences..... LOL!!!

And one for the 'Mikey Scofield Jumper ensemble/fugly suit lover' ...

Q: What kind of food do Maths teachers eat?
A: Square meals....

And more SPN.....

Q; What do you call a ghosts mum & Dad??
A: Transparents!!!

Q: What do monsters like to read everyday???
A: Their Horror-scopes!!!

Q: Why do mummies go to the library?
A: They like to get wrapped up in a good book!!

Ahhhh stick with me folks... they get even worse......

Q: Why did the tiolet paper roll down the hill???
A: It was needed at the bottom!!!


Oh Lordy... does no one else in this world get my humour????? LOL!!!!

Seriously folks... Smiley can run all day with these..... She's heard them all a thousand times from all her school kids!!!! lol!!!

[addictedtopb]

^^AAAHHH!!! They are so lame i'm even laughing LMFAO!!!

hmmm let me remeber...

aaah i remember one... god once asked ronaldinho: if you have more good deeds than bad deeds where do you go? ronaldinho answered: heaven. god asked him again:if you have more bad deeds than good deeds where do you go? ronaldinho answered: to hell. then god asket: if your good deeds and bad deeds are the same number? ronaldinho answered: we play a penalties...LOL!!

[sher1]

lmfao smiley
u crack me up

Ive got one about 3 cannibals guys but have to think of it cant realy remember it all

[smileyone]

Originally Posted by sher1

lmfao smiley
u crack me up

Ive got one about 3 cannibals guys but have to think of it cant realy remember it all

Lol.... I see you want even more of my nuggets of pure comedy!!!

Ok then.... Some random ones....

Q: Who looks after sick dwarves?
A: The National Elf Service!

Q: What do you call a computer Super Hero?
A: A Screen Saver!

Q: What do you call a Greenfly with no legs?
A: A bogey!

Q: How do crazy people walk thru a forest?
A: They take the Psycho Path!!!! ....

Q: What do sneezes wear on their feet?
A: Ahhhh - Shoes!!!


Seriously folks...... Smiley could just go on and on and on.....

[sher1]

omg dont stop now keep em coming