Ah-men: Why men are happier

theactordavid · 05-24-2006, 06:35 AM

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes. One color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

No wonder men are happier.

06-07-2006, 04:03 PM

There are times I wished I was a man, then I thought about this:

We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar
We get out of speeding tickets by crying
We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg
We get to shop at Victoria's Secret
We can marry rich and then not have to work
We never have to pay when we go out on dates
Men light our cigarettes for us
Men hold the door open for us
We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
We're cuter
We lie better
We're better manipulators
We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other, you sleep on the couch
We don't worry about losing our hair
We always get to choose the movie
We don't have to mow the lawn
We don't have to take out the garbage
we don't have to paint the house or walls
PMS- yet another excuse to gripe at men
We can con our way out of anything- not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole
PMS is a legal defense for murder

LO$TTO · 06-07-2006, 04:25 PM

TAD, are you playin' Suicidal Tendencies ???

sporky · 06-08-2006, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by totallyjunk2425

There are times I wished I was a man, then I thought about this:

We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar
We get out of speeding tickets by crying
We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg
We get to shop at Victoria's Secret
We can marry rich and then not have to work
We never have to pay when we go out on dates
Men light our cigarettes for us
Men hold the door open for us
We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
We're cuter
We lie better
We're better manipulators
We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other, you sleep on the couch
We don't worry about losing our hair
We always get to choose the movie
We don't have to mow the lawn
We don't have to take out the garbage
we don't have to paint the house or walls
PMS- yet another excuse to gripe at men
We can con our way out of anything- not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole
PMS is a legal defense for murder

All too true

Though I get some of the advantages blokes do, having grown up with mostly male influences, but they mostly stretch to keeping your entire luggage in your pockets, the one suit for every occasion as I don't 'do' dresses, and the ability to be sexist whilst still somehow insulting myself.

Hm.

Uncle Pasto · 06-08-2006, 08:39 AM

We know stuff about tanks. That's awesome! Welcome to the church of Suicidal...

theactordavid · 06-08-2006, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by totallyjunk2425

There are times I wished I was a man

Such as...?

06-08-2006, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theactordavid

Such as...?

Such as when you have to pee and the only thing around is a tree....not even a bush to squat. ggrrrrrrrrrr

sporky · 06-08-2006, 11:33 AM

Yeah, that's a bugger that is. If you're a woman you need to find a well hidden place to pee, but if you're a man, you can just do it anywhere. I went to a festival where all the blokes were peeing against the walls, and I had to wait an hour for a portaloo

06-08-2006, 11:36 AM

what really sucks is waiting in line for the bathroom, considering on average, men take about 1 1/2 minutes, and women take like 4 minutes. Grr...

06-09-2006, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by totallyjunk2425

men take about 1 1/2 minutes,

It doesn't really take that long...

05-24-2006, 06:35 AM	#1
theactordavid Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 961	Ah-men: Why men are happier Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes. One color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. No wonder men are happier. __________________ I'm taking a chance on the wind I'm packing up all my bags..... V'n'LB 4-ever ~ ~ ~<======3

06-07-2006, 04:25 PM	#3
LO$TTO Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 682	TAD, are you playin' Suicidal Tendencies ??? __________________

06-08-2006, 08:39 AM	#5
Uncle Pasto Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 914	We know stuff about tanks. That's awesome! Welcome to the church of Suicidal... __________________ This is the way we go to Elle's, go to Elle's, go to Elle's...

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06-07-2006, 04:03 PM	#2
totallyjunk2425 Posts: n/a	There are times I wished I was a man, then I thought about this: We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar We get out of speeding tickets by crying We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg We get to shop at Victoria's Secret We can marry rich and then not have to work We never have to pay when we go out on dates Men light our cigarettes for us Men hold the door open for us We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!) We're cuter We lie better We're better manipulators We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other, you sleep on the couch We don't worry about losing our hair We always get to choose the movie We don't have to mow the lawn We don't have to take out the garbage we don't have to paint the house or walls PMS- yet another excuse to gripe at men We can con our way out of anything- not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole PMS is a legal defense for murder

06-08-2006, 11:33 AM	#8
sporky Senior Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 192	Yeah, that's a bugger that is. If you're a woman you need to find a well hidden place to pee, but if you're a man, you can just do it anywhere. I went to a festival where all the blokes were peeing against the walls, and I had to wait an hour for a portaloo

06-08-2006, 11:36 AM	#9
totallyjunk2425 Posts: n/a	what really sucks is waiting in line for the bathroom, considering on average, men take about 1 1/2 minutes, and women take like 4 minutes. Grr...